Selfies, Shoes, and Other S-words
by achieving elysium
Summary: The Q&A-inspired road trip story featuring car crashing, Hurricane Chaolaena, books, YouTube, bad singing, stargazing, and why exactly Dorian Havilliard will never go on a road trip with Celaena, Chaol, and Rowan ever again. modern!AU/AH.


**Selfies, Shoes, and Other S-words**  
achieving elysium

 _side note: In my defense, Jesse and Sarah asked for this. Don't blame me._

* * *

"There's shit on me," was whined in a very loud and rather angry tone. Dorian blinked, his head spinning. He tried to put two and two together as to _what_ exactly was going on, but all his sleep (and alcohol) muddled mind could supply him was that he was in a car, and two plus two equaled five.

Then he remembered what exactly was going on and groaned out loud.

"We're stopping at a breakfast place in a bit," a voice said next to him. Dorian turned to face Rowan, who was watching the events in the front of the car with amusement. Then a terrifying glare was sent in his direction from the older male. "You're never getting drunk _again._ "

Dorian only had fuzzy memories of what had happened last night. They'd stopped at some hotel during the evening. Cranky and tired of the car, he himself had headed off to get a few drinks - and, well, a few girls. (But hey, having a YouTube channel meant he was pretty popular with the ladies.)

Celaena and Rowan had sprinted for the nearest gym, always ready to fight each other and leaving behind Chaol, who Celaena had been on bad terms with. He still wasn't sure what was going on between the two, but by the miserable expression on his friend's face as he'd cradled the long-forgotten glass last night, it was _not_ good.

And then he'd had another drink or two and wound up, well-

"Yeah," he decided, wincing. He _also_ remembered Celaena barging in at an ungodly time in the morning, dragging him out of some girl's - her name started with a K - cheap room. "Maybe not."

Meanwhile, Celaena was riding shotgun, her feet propped up on the dashboard. She was glaring at the driver, who had pressed lips and jerky motions.

"What do you mean, there's shit on you?" he demanded, glancing at his (ex?) girlfriend.

"I mean, when you made that last turn, you spilled your damn drink on me!" Sure enough, Dorian could see dark liquid staining the front of her (probably expensive) blouse and a good portion of her jeans. He winced, feeling bad for Chaol. It was an unspoken rule that _no one_ messed with Celaena's clothes, unless they wanted to end up with a broken nose, swollen eye, and a couple other painful-looking injuries like Archer Finn had last year.

"Well, I'm sorry!" Chaol exploded, slamming on the brakes as they arrived at a red light. "Just like I'll be pretty sorry when we take a detour, oh, I dunno, _out of Banjali._ "

Celaena's eyes flashed dangerously, and Dorian shrunk back into his seat. Clothes were one thing. Mentioning skipping out of Banjali, Nehemia's home... well, that was another thing completely.

"You. Wouldn't. _Dare._ "

Dorian reached for his phone, wondering where the nearest Starbucks would be. He _needed_ a dozen cups of coffee if he was going to survive this killer headache and the storm that was Hurricane Chaolaena.

* * *

The waitress eyed them with more suspicion than he thought waitresses could ever eye people. Though if waitresses ever eyed _anyone_ with suspicion, it would probably be them. They were at a local cafe - unfortunately, _not_ Starbucks - and had just stepped in.

"Four?" she finally asked, defeat in her dark eyes. She was cute, Dorian decided. A low-cut white shirt and pretty black skirt looked good on her. "Right this way."

"I call window seat," Celaena called, diving into the red booth. Rowan followed, sitting next to her. Chaol and Dorian glanced at each other and shrugged; he ended up taking the seat right across from Celaena.

"I'm Kaltain, and I'm going to be your waitress this morning," the girl said, smiling. She seemed to have gotten over her suspicion and handed them each plastic-sealed menus with fancy script. "Do you guys know what you want, or do you need a moment?"

Dorian raised a hand. "The strongest black coffee you have." She raised a perfect eyebrow and then nodded.

The others glanced at the menu for a second and ordered their own coffees, and Kaltain promised to bring them out in a bit. He winked at her, giving her the smile he reserved only for pretty girls, and he could hear her giggle as she stalked to the kitchen. Celaena kicked him under the table.

"What?" he groaned, and she gave him the stink-eye.

Their drinks came soon enough, followed by a large order of just about every single breakfast item on the menu. Kaltain looked like she'd just won the lottery and had shit dumped on her at the same time when Celaena reeled off her list of waffles (whipped cream and strawberries), eggs (sunny-side up), meat (sausage links and _oh, bacon, please_ ), not to mention the breakfast sandwich she'd been looking at and was probably going to order later. Dorian knew Kaltain would be grateful for the tip, all smiles and sweet talk, but she'd be glaring at Celaena the whole time, likely jealous of her (rather beautiful) figure and the habit she'd picked up of eating everything and still looking good.

An hour and a couple of coffees later, Dorian was feeling very full and satisfied. Rowan had scarfed down three times as much as him and somehow was looking very nonchalant as he finished off his last mug of tea. Chaol picked at the last bit of pancake on his plate. Celaena was likely more satisfied than he was, by the way she used her finger to pick up the remaining syrup on her plate.

"We should get going," Rowan announced, standing up. Kaltain hurried over to get them their bill; Dorian grinned and said he'd pay. (In return, there was a number scribbled on the back of the receipt.)

And so that was that. In better spirits, the four of them continued their journey across Erilea. Hopefully, Dorian wouldn't die by the time they finished their trip.

* * *

"No. _Way,_ " Celaena said, rolling the window down as far as it would go (being broken, not too far) and leaning out of it to stare as they passed a very large but slightly dull-looking building. "Is that a _bookstore_?"

"Don't stop driving, Chaol," Rowan said immediately, and Celaena reached over the back of her seat to whack him with a rolled-up fashion magazine.

" _Yes_ stop driving, Chaol," she said, eyes pleading. "That's a _Terrasen_ bookstore."

Dorian perked up. "I'm in," he called, raising a hand, and as the driver with two votes against one, Chaol _had_ to pull into the bookstore. Before he'd even stopped the car, Celaena had run out, her purse in one hand and phone in the other.

Dorian wasn't very far after her, fumbling with his smartphone. _Video, video, video..._ He found the camera app in seconds, pressing record as he attached his phone to the selfie stick. (Yeah, selfie sticks were _great_ for filming; he had a free hand and a great view.)

"Guess where I am?" he asked, grinning at his reflection on the small screen. He spun in a circle, letting his viewers see exactly where he was. "Terrasen bookstore. In the middle of Fenharrow, too."

"Hell _yeah_ ," Celaena said, appearing in the shot. She looked very, very pleased. "I'm going to run out of money here."

Rowan, who was standing nearby and waiting, rolled his eyes. "It's only day six, Aelin. And you have a ton of money, anyway." He made a mental note to cut out the _Aelin_ part - only Rowan was allowed to call her that, for some reason.

"Let's go!" Dorian cried, adjusting his smartphone and wiggling his eyebrows at it. There _had_ been a few books he'd heard about from the BookTube side of things, not to mention his newfound interest in medicine.

The bookstore was easily one of the biggest ones he'd been into. Celaena spent her time half-crying over all the new releases (all books with shirtless men on the cover, of course) and taking selfies with said books. Chaol looked at a few books about random stuff no one cared about - he wasn't a reader.

Rowan, on the other hand, showed some rare amusement in the form of picking on Chaol. Dorian had gotten the perfect shot of him holding up _A Guide to Being a Douche_ and pointing at the poor guy. They'd almost gotten into a fist fight, and some lady shushed them and told them to be quiet. He wondered if it counted; bookstores weren't libraries, after all.

"Bellhaven's next," Rowan said, flipping through a tourist book. "Unless anyone wants to go to Morath?"

"Isn't that the place with that super cool, evil looking clock tower or something?" Celaena asked, looking up from _Sunset Passions._ (It looked like a terrible, very "smutty" book - exactly what she would read.)

"That's the one," Chaol commented. Celaena tucked the book under her arm and walked briskly to another shelf, plucking off _A Court of Thorns and Roses._ ( _ACOTAR_ , she explained later. _I've been waiting forever._ )

"Let's go to Bellhaven, then," Chaol suggested as they waited in line, a pile of books ready to be scanned and paid for. "And after that, Eyllwe. Banjali for sure, and then we'll just head west."

"Sounds like a plan to me," Dorian said, shrugging. Rowan just jerked his head in approval.

* * *

"It's day seven," Dorian announced to the camera. He'd pulled it out this time to film instead; he liked the quality better, especially for what he was going to show them. "and we are in..."

"Bellhaven," three other voices chorused, some more excited than others. They'd given up on trying to stop him on the first day and were finally getting around to participating. He smiled.

"We're on the beach right now, it's about five in the evening. We're gonna find a quiet place to have a little bonfire-"

"Bonfires aren't small, Dorian," Rowan quipped, and he groaned.

"Campfire doesn't have the same ring to it. There's going to be a fire, maybe some swimming. Then dinner and after that we're going to see if we can get tickets to travel around the infamous Skull's Bay. Fun, eh?"

The car stopped, and Dorian climbed out. A breeze blew through, tasting of the ocean, and he closed his eyes, taking it in. The view was breathtaking - both the sea and heavens were darkening. The water looked like a wetter version of the skies, a deep blue that moved gently. The already setting sun made the sand on the beach seem white. He stepped out of his shoes, grit getting between his toes. He flipped his camera around, watching the scenery develop on the small screen.

"Look at this, you guys," he said in a quiet voice.

"C'mon, Dorian," Celaena called, already in the water. She'd rolled up her knee-high jeans so they looked like shorts, and the water was to her ankles. She looked like a model, showing off her long legs and silhouette with a see-through crop top. He stopped filming and made sure to snap a picture of her, beautiful as she was.

Then he set the camera down on the beach towels that had been hastily thrown down and ran into the water. The four of them waded in until the water reached their waists.

It was a beautiful, magical moment for him; they weren't college kids half-doing this for a project or people with expectations chasing after them. They were just four friends there, in the cooling water of the sea as the sun set.

Just that.

* * *

The car door opened in the middle of the night almost silently. Unfortunately for Celaena, who was the sneakiest girl in Erilea and could pull off being some badass criminal/assassin/thief, he was still awake. And outside.

Celaena had decided on sleeping in the car, taking the back row of seats - Rowan with her. He and Chaol, on the other hand, had decided on sleeping outside on cool sand, kept warm by their sleeping bags. His friend was still merrily snoring away, his face set peacefully in a way that usually wasn't there.

He glanced at the watch on his wrist. One in the morning.

"You're up late," he commented, propping himself up on his elbows to look at her dark form. She didn't even flinch.

"So are you," was her only reply.

"Hmm," he answered, nonchalant. "Couldn't sleep?"

She smiled, moonlight falling on her like she was some sort of goddess. Her eyes seemed to glint like dying embers in the light.

"Aren't the stars beautiful?" she said suddenly, gesturing upwards. She climbed onto the hood of the car, hooking her feet and using the grooves in the car to pull herself up. Celaena perched there, sitting cross-legged, her hair half-falling across her face.

He took a picture of her then, someone he'd fallen in love with once upon a time and now loved, the girl who dared to rattle the stars, so, so lovely, and the stars that gazed back, waiting for her.

* * *

The minute he hit record, Celaena began chanting, her face bright with joy. "Eyllwe! Eyllwe! Eyllwe!"

Dorian swung the camera back towards him. Her excitement was infectious. They'd toured Skull's Bay this morning but were heading off again, and Celaena was ecstatic.

"We're going to Eyllwe!" he cried, raising a hand and grinning. Chaol honked the horn a few times, disrupting their celebration. He just rolled his eyes. "And Chaol is being a party-pooper, apparently."

He turned to film some of the scenery as they drove: the glittering ocean just outside his window, the buildings as they grew older and more beautiful as they passed, and the ever-so-slowly darkening sky.

Over the two hours, the four of them tried very hard not to blow up the car or at the very least, do anything destructive. Books were read. Eating happened. Dorian caught up on some of the sleep he'd missed.

But nothing was more terrible than the singing. Ironically, it'd been his idea in the first place. He'd seen the Guess That Song challenge floating around on YouTube. It seemed to be both hilarious and amusing, and so an hour in, they tried it. He quickly realized his mistake. They were all terrible singers - except for Rowan, but Rowan was good at just about everything.

"Da da da da da da," Chaol half-sang, drumming a rhythm on the steering wheel as his notes dipped lower. "Da da da da da da da. I don't remember the rest of the song, so that's all you're getting." They all simultaneously let out cries of frustration.

"Westfall, that was not helpful," Rowan growled.

"Yeah, if you could actually sing something coherent, that'd be great," Celaena snarked, and the two high-fived without even looking at each other.

Chaol tried again, and they spent the next thirty minutes listening and trying to guess. The footage from this would have to be edited and cut down. A lot.

"It goes da da da da da da," Chaol repeated. "That's how the song starts."

"What song starts with da da da da da da?!" Celaena cried, running her fingers through her hair. Somehow, hearing it from a different person changed it. Dorian drummed his fingers against his leg, repeating the notes in his mind.

"By the Wyrd," he finally said, the realization hitting him as if they'd just crashed into a tree. "Is this _Aladdin_?"

"What song?" Chaol asked.

Everyone groaned. "A whole new world," Dorian sang, breaking down in laughter before he could sing the next line. Celaena had sunk in her seat, blonde hair everywhere as she howled. Rowan - even Rowan, who never laughed - was slapping his knee, throwing a hand over his mouth to try containing his mirth.

"That was so bad," Dorian gasped once they'd had their fill.

Chaol turned sharply, throwing them to their left. Rowan and Celaena slammed into the side of the car, and he winced.

"Shut up," Chaol grumbled. "I hate this game."

* * *

"Shut the front door," Dorian said, turning away to swear colorfully. "You said her parents owned a hotel, Celaena! You didn't tell us they owned the fucking Banjali Palace!" Unfortunately, the bell-boy who'd been assisting them took his words seriously and actually shut the front doors.

Celaena blew out a pink bubble, the gum almost transparent. It popped, and she shrugged. "It _is_ a hotel."

"You're fucking playing with us, Celaena," Chaol groaned. Rowan simply stood in the back, smirking. No doubt he'd been let in on the secret that the Ytger family owned one of Erilea's most prestigious hotels. Banjali Palace was _the_ place to be, open to anyone who could pay for it, and they were currently there.

"Um, sirs, ma'am, if you are ready?" the boy said in a thick accent. He held the door open, and the four stepped in.

Stepping in, Dorian could only hope that he'd go somewhere like this when he died. Smooth marble tile, plush rugs like clouds, and a chic carpet that started at the beginning of the rooms. A large chandelier hang from the ceiling, catching light from the many windows and throwing glittering flashes of light over everything. The hotel was very open, mostly to accommodate the stunning view of the ocean. There were beautiful chairs, ornate statues, and detailed pillars. It was a place fit for royalty.

"Hello and welcome to the Banjali Palace," someone called from the front desk. Pretty. She, unlike the others, had no accent. "Have you checked in yet?"

Nehemia Ytger swept out of a door behind the front desk, looking as stunning as always. She smiled and spoke in the accent so common in the people here. "That won't be necessary, Yrene. They're with me."

The girl only nodded. "Of course, Nehemia." The respect was obviously there.

"Nehemia!" Celaena squealed, and the two girls were hugging the life out of each other. "Oh, you look fabulous! And that _dress_!" They immediately began to chat away, the languages mixing together, half-Eyllwe and half-the common tongue.

"Um," Chaol said, looking at his companions. He just shrugged. "Rowan, can you drag her away?"

Rowan just crossed his arms. "They're _girls._ There's nothing I can do." This was said quite loudly and deliberately, and Celaena pulled away from her friend.

"Sorry," she said, not looking very sorry at all. Nehemia simply laughed, the sound loud and pure.

"Come," their friend said, spreading her arms. "There is much to show you."

"Wait, can we take a selfie?" _Shit._

* * *

"I'm driving," Rowan called after they loaded the last suitcase into the trunk. "I've had enough of Westfall driving."

"Hallelujah," Celaena said, raising her hands for high-fives. "Chaol can't drive at all, I swear." Nehemia, who had helped with the luggage, laughed. Chaol defended himself immediately, but Rowan pinned him with a glare and a death threat. He went quiet.

"Alright," Nehemia said, embracing Celaena one last time. "I trust I will see you soon, Elentyia?" She nodded, and the girl waved before leaving the four of them together again.

"Shotgun," Celaena yelled, darting for the front seat. Dorian cursed and ran after her; if there was one thing he'd learned, it was that she couldn't be trusted riding shotgun. Especially if it was Rowan up there with her. Shit.

Car doors slammed, and Dorian waved goodbye to Banjali. He'd miss Nehemia and her home country - the vast grasslands and tourist attractions and deep-rooted culture. He would not, however, be missing the heat. Air conditioning did little here.

Rowan was driving, and Celaena had called shotgun - which meant that as a rule of thumb, Chaol or Dorian got to dictate the music aspect of the journey. Chaol just shrugged, so Dorian hooked up the blue iPod his mother had given him and pressed play. He closed his eyes and strummed imaginary guitar strings, fingers pressing at air.

The music washed over him, low and quiet and calming. He let out a sigh, tired. While he loved being with his friends, the road trip was really testing their friendship. They were all getting a little stir-crazy, a bit sick of each other. He knew that when he got home, he'd be holing up in his room with a good stack of books and his laptop.

" _You tore my heart in two, like that photograph of me and_ _you."_ Dorian hummed along, knowing that the others would stop him if he tried to sing. " _And you tell me you want me back, but that photograph is nothing but ash. I-"_

His music was suddenly cut off. Dorian's eyes flew open, and he glared at Celaena, who was holding the USB cord. Rowan was rubbing at his temples.

"You and your emo music," Celaena scoffed. "Don't you have anything _good_ on here?" She scrolled through his songs, making faces.

"Um, everything on there is perfectly fine," he shot back. "and it's far from emo music. Better than whatever _you_ listen to."

"Celaena," Chaol hissed, leaning forward to grab her shoulder. She wrenched it out of her grip and turned to him furiously.

"Don't touch me," she all but growled, and the tension in the car rose. Rowan tensed, his shoulders rising. If Chaol and Celaena didn't cool down fast, the end would not be pretty. A distraction.

"What music do you listen to, then?" he asked Celaena, and she turned, pulling her phone from the back pocket of her shorts. (How did girls _do_ that?) She plugged it in and threw his iPod back at him. He shoved it in the small bag at his feet and waited.

Heavy music filled the car. There was a loud guitar playing opening chords before a female vocal entered. It wasn't bad, Dorian thought, though this wasn't quite what he'd been expecting. He'd been expecting-

Hardcore rap burst from the speakers. The volume was cranked up, and he groaned, sliding back in his seat. He couldn't even think while it was playing. He took back what he'd thought earlier about it not being bad. This was the worst thing he'd ever heard in his life.

" _Do you not appreciate real music?"_ he yelled at Celaena. She turned to him, long hair swinging.

" _What?_ " Never mind, then. He pulled out his earbuds and jammed them into his ear, his song continuing on, but it did little in blocking out the obnoxious rapping. Chaol didn't seem to care at all, though, and neither did Rowan, though both were still tense.

And then it was Chaol who made the final mistake.

He leaned forward. "Celaena, can you turn it down a bit?" She didn't hear him. Chaol reached between the seats, resting his hand on her shoulder and shaking it slightly.

She'd never moved faster. The rap was nothing compared to her furious cry.

And just like that, Hurricane Chaolaena started again. They began to argue, letting go of some bitter thoughts they'd kept to themselves since their break-up. He only caught the words _liar_ and _trust_ and _Nehemia_. Nehemia, who'd almost been killed in Adarlan when a criminal held a knife to her throat and demanded payment from Chaol before freeing her. Nehemia, who still had a scar on her throat from the incident - and who would have been much, much worse if Celaena hadn't showed up.

Rowan's grip on the steering wheel tightened. Dorian put a hand on his shoulder, hoping to calm him, and their eyes met in the mirror. Then he jumped into the fight himself, trying to break the two apart.

"I only came because Dorian asked me, and he let Rowan come!" Celaena shrieked, her eyes wild. "Not for you, _never_ for you!"

"Rowan, huh? What's going on between you two, anyway? Warming each other's beds at night?" She slammed a fist into his face, and Dorian grabbed her wrist before she could hit him again. Something in her face softened at his touch, but her eyes still gleamed with a deep, smoldering fury. And he knew then that this was more than just their break-up. He didn't dare think about what else Celaena was mad about, but he had an inkling that it had to do with Sam - and her parents.

It didn't take long for the two to start fighting again, and Dorian grabbed Chaol, holding him back.

"Aelin," Rowan said, his voice surpressing an anger of his own. " _Aelin._ "

She either didn't care or didn't listen. Either way, the fight between Dorian, Celaena, and Chaol had escalated. Chaol was roaring, straining against Dorian's hold. Dorian yelled at the two of them to stop, because this was _not_ the time to be fighting. It was only when Celaena began crying that the world seemed to quiet for just a moment.

Rowan turned sharply. There was a screech of tires and the sensation of his head hitting the ceiling before the car stopped. All Dorian could see was green.

"Well, you did it, Rowan," Dorian said. " _That_ shut us-"

The hood of the car exploded into flame. The four of them were out immediately, climbing over seats to get to his door, the only door that was being blocked by a part of a tree. He rammed his shoulder against it, and the door popped open. They stumbled out onto the side of the road, staring at their now destroyed car.

Rowan was glaring at Chaol, his hand in Celaena's. Dorian was still trying to process what had just happened.

"You crashed," Chaol said finally in a choked voice. " _into a fucking tree._ And you said _I_ was a bad driver."

"You hurt her," was the only answer Rowan would give, and Dorian ran a hand over his face, looking at Celaena. She seemed calmer. Their eyes met; she managed to give him a weak smile before slipping over to him as the other two argued.

"Well," she said. "Shit."

"I'm never going on a road trip with you three ever again," he swore.

She just grinned. "But think of all the _views_ , Dorian. There's nothing like a road trip story with the title of CAR-CRASHING INTO TREES."

He laughed and slung a friendly arm over her shoulder. "Maybe it'd be better off as SELFIES, SHOES, AND OTHER S-WORDS."

"Hmm," she said, grinning. "It's too bad my phone's out of power, isn't it? We could've called a tow truck or the police, but I guess that option's out."

He caught on. "I wonder if Rowan and Chaol can stand walking to the nearest gas station together?"

The two glanced at the boys in question. Celaena tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, the smile on her face too sharp to be a nice one. "Let's find out."

* * *

 **That's it. The end of this really bad, dialogue-filled road trip. I tried. There's car crashing, food, backstory, car crashing, YouTube...**

 **Did I mention Rowan crashed the car into a tree?**

 _achieving elysium_


End file.
